the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
