she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You ruined the universe
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
