Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
