if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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