"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
