So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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