So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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