JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
