I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
