my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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