Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
