and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
