I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
