He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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