i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
