I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
