woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
