lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
