last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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