My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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