im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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