Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
