my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
