I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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