the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
