Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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