walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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