Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
