i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
