So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
