you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
