What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
