matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is wine microwaveable?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had sex on a roof
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
