Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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