Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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