WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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