Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need a hoe opinion
go on
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
