A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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