Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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