party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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