ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
