the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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