just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
