I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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