Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
