coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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