I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
