I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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