Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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