Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm at about main and main street
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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