i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
