I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
