I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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