Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
