me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
