tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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