Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
