I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
