i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
