Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
