I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How external is "for external use only"?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
