we have officially lost it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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