I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
