Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
