I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
