I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
