let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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