Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
