just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
