Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
