Those balls look pretty dangerous.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
