this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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