Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's never too late to be topless.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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