Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
