guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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